Gratitude Ain’t Easy

Warning: This is a long, catch-up post. Thanksgiving is one of my most favorite holidays (after my birthday). Oddly, not because of my love for Thanksgiving food (I don’t like it), but because of the true meaning of the season. …

Are You Scared of Black People?

If you are black and reading this, then you may have heard any of the following: Don’t speed or do anything that could cause you to get pulled over by the police because you could die.#DWB White people are born …

YOU DESERVE WHAT YOU GOT

A woman wears tight fitting and revealing clothes and she is raped in a park because she was walking alone.

A man has a bad day at work and he walks into a home with a nagging wife and beats her.

A man whistles at another man’s girlfriend while out downtown and the man shoots him.

The above are all situations in which maybe someone did something wrong, but the response from the next person was not the appropriate response. Over the years, I have learned a few things:

• 2 wrongs do not make a right
• For every action there needs to be an appropriate response and reaction
• Kids deserve to be kids and that includes having a kid moment
• Violence is never the answer

A lot of people are blaming the child for not listening to an authority figure as reason for why this horrible incident in a school environment (which is supposed to be safe) happened to her. Yes, she should listen to the authority, but that does not give anyone the right to violently respond to an insubordinate child. I am baffled at the lack of compassion that is being shown to a teenager and the blame that is being put on her as if she deserves this treatment. There are several problems with this way of thinking:

• This is an impressionable young girl that is being told that she can’t have a bad day and if she does, then she won’t get suspended or fired, but she will potentially lose her life.
• The students in the classroom  are not being taught how to resolve conflict or tough situations without getting physical.
• The world continues to harden when these situations arise and becomes even more judgmental of kids being kids.
• It’s easier to blame the victim and to convince them that they shouldn’t have prompted this type of behavior in the 1st place than to deal with the systemic issue. People love to prey on those who can’t fight for themselves and most of the times it’s the victims.

Sexual, racial, gender violence and other forms of discrimination and violence in a culture cannot be eliminated without changing culture. ~Charlotte Bunch

Now to be clear, I don’t agree that kids should be disrespectful and I do agree that if you don’t follow the rules that there are consequences, however, I don’t agree that child brought this on herself because this was just not the appropriate response. I am sure there will be some type of repercussion for the officer, but the amount of people that are supporting him and justifying his actions as appropriate and lawful is what is the most disappointing to me. When I saw the video I was baffled and near tears and as I listen to a variety of people talk about this, I find them cold, judgmental, and with no compassion for this child. As a black woman (and not a black man), this time this could have been me or any of our friends with our sarcastic and independent nature in high school. My God this could have been me!

For the record, there are plenty of adult people every day who don’t follow the rules or listen to an authority figure, but if I walked around slamming them, then I would be in jail and accused of assault. I would be the bad guy and definitely not a hero. How is it possible that this guy is being protected? We need to focus on his response and the response of anyone else that believes that violence is the answer to solve problems. I do not care that the student was insubordinate just as I don’t care about the girl in revealing clothes. I care about the response to her action and I care about how the world is treating this victim.

I want us to shift our focus on why we blame the victims in the various scenarios from walking with tight fitting clothes, to nagging your husband, walking in the park with a hoodie, or not listening to your teacher for physical assault which could lead to death in some cases. We need to focus on creating a culture where people learn how to channel their authority to defuse situations, resolve conflict peacefully, and promote a safe environment where people will comply for their own safety and those around them. We do not need to victimize the victims and tell them that they deserve this type of behavior. We need to strike a balance in addressing the behavior or action that was out of order, but actively speak out that we do not condone or support any type of physical violence and that they shouldn’t either.

People respond in accordance to how you relate to them. If you approach them on the basis of violence, that’s how they’ll react. But if you say, ‘We want peace, we want stability,’ we can then do a lot of things that will contribute towards the progress of our society. ~Nelson Mandela

 So tonight, I will pray for her and all the students across America, because she doesn’t have a mother to pray for her.

Explaining it all,
Charlitta

Join the Committee (Blog post from March 2012)

One of the best things about blogging is being able to go back and see your growth (or lack thereof). I was going through an old blog post and realized that nearly 2 years have passed and I am still having the same conversation with myself and most of you! Different cities, different people, and different phases of life and yet there are still 2 types of people…those who do and those who criticize others who are doing it. I realize that although I haven’t been able to make others “doers” I have been able to change my attitude towards it. I have gotten tougher, wiser, and almost immune to those who watch and critique.

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If you have time to whine and complain about something then you have the time to do something about it. ~Anthony J. D’Angelo

It’s human nature to sit back and judge and criticize. It’s always easy to tell others what they are doing wrong, how they should handle certain situations, or what you would do if you were them. When you are on the outside looking in, everything appears to be easy and you can never understand why people make certain decisions and why things are done.

But, what I have found is that when you are in it, leading it, and navigating your way through it’s never as easy as it seemed when you were watching. It takes a lot of courage to step up and be leader. It’s hard to make decisions, create process, and do it all while others are watching.

I have noticed a lot of people criticizing and having suggestions of what other people need to do, but have yet to see the people step up to make the improvement. The next time you want to criticize or make a suggestion, pause, and start the statement with: I would like to help you out by doing…..

Sometimes, there is only so much that one person can do successfully. In the astute words of Ghandi, “Be the change you want to see.” Join the committee whether at work, church, community organizations, family, or friends. Show others how to improve and how to be better. Don’t just be a back seat driver.

It’s okay to have an opinion, but I would encourage you all to not just raise the problem, but be a part of the solution.

Explaining it all,

Charlitta