Plot Twists

“Life is queer with it’s twists and turns, as everyone of us sometimes learns” ~Excerpt from Don’t Quit

The 2nd trimester was everything that everyone said it would be. I felt like myself again and I truly enjoyed every minute of it. While, I am excited for our son to come, I am kind of sad that the 2nd trimester is over. Any time someone asked me from months 4-6, how I was doing, I always proudly responded with, “STABLE.” It felt good to feel back in control of my emotions, hormones, and body. I had all of this energy again and it just felt good to be back in the zone. Although it was smooth sailing for the most part there were a couple twists and turns along the way.

When something goes wrong in your life just yell “PLOT TWIST” and MOVE ON!

As I mentioned, I am stable, back in my groove, cleared to travel, doing the job I love and actually finally feeling like, “I GOT THIS!” So imagine my surprise,  a couple of weeks later while I am in a meeting and I start to feel this fluid flow down my leg. I immediately have flashbacks (just like they do in the movies) to the time in the parking lot and the time in San Francisco, and started to wonder “Why on earth is this happening to me again?” “Why can’t this just be easy?” On the inside I am losing it, but I am at work and not with Mark, so I am implementing all the techniques I learned in therapy and church to calm me down and keep my composure. (Singing 1, 2, 3 the devils after me; Deep breaths, prayer, rocking myself like a baby, etc.) Writing this makes me think maybe I look crazy trying not to look crazy!

I slightly stand-up to see if there is more fluid that is going to come out which would make this a very dramatic and embarrassing project story and realize that I am all clear and recuse myself from the meeting (by saying I have another meeting to prepare for which was kind of true???), go to the stairwell and call the doctor. It takes about 15 mins for them to call me back and they tell me that I need to come in to see them which of course isn’t that easy since I am in Detroit. So, they suggest that I go to the ER. After discussing with Mark, we both knew that if it was bad, that I didn’t want to be in Detroit so I flew home and went to the doctor first thing the next morning.

I couldn’t sleep all night and spent most of it in prayer. I was so nervous the next morning. The doctor ran a few tests including tests to make sure that I wasn’t leaking amniotic fluid. The doctor shared the results fairly quickly (even though it felt like hours) and they found that this little baby just likes to press on my bladder just a little too hard and that I should basically be wearing diapers. Yes, you read that right, I was just unknowingly peeing on myself. It’s actually pretty laughable NOW and something that is still occurring. So I often wonder, if I am having this problem now with bladder control, then what will my bladder control be like after birth?

“Sometimes the most shocking surprises are the most beautiful surprises!”

18 weeks

At the end of September, we were 18 weeks and excited to find out what we were having. (They say to do the test between 16-20 weeks so we were right in the middle!) We both turned our heads during the ultrasound as we knew we would find out with our immediate families that night. We had the cutest blue and pink box created, had our family wear pink or blue, and were pretty anxious to open the box. To everyone’s surprise, pink balloons popped out since Mark convinced everyone that it was a boy! I didn’t think I cared about whether it was a boy or a girl since it’s our first, but that moment I became so excited. I think I needed to think it was a girl so I could get the excitement that I was missing in the pregnancy. A month later, we had a name, nursery decor, monograms, bows, and dresses. Next thing you know, it’s time for our next appointment. When we got to the doctor’s office, I was chatting away like I always do telling them all about our gender reveal and the things we had for our little girl

22 weeks

and the nurse looking puzzled asked us to clarify what gender we were told and to look at the screen.

We both looked and saw a little boy revealing himself causing his dad to be the happiest man on earth and well his mom….let’s just say he sent his mom into shock, tears, and laughter because I immediately thought “what awful sense of humor he has just like his dad!”

Yes, Mark you were right…again!

So far there have been several defining milestones in this pregnancy that as they come I feel closer and more attached to this baby and one of the moments was finding out the gender. It really does become real when it’s no longer an “it” or “the baby” and you start to use terms of endearment like “my daughter” or “my son” or “even their name.” It took me a few days to properly shift from my daughter to my son, but I am there and ready for the love and joy I am told little boys bring their moms.

Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. Proverbs 19:21

So those 2 plot twists taught me 3 important things:

1. God is still working on me and my control issues despite my requests. God is slowly teaching me in His way  that there are so many things that I can’t control and that I have to depend on Him. It’s been a life long lesson that I have to keep learning over and over because I can’t seem to put it into action. As a small victory, I have embraced the fact that although I can’t plan for everything, I can prepare so I am shifting towards that. (I mean all plans go out the window when your baby switches genders! Who knows what’s next? Only God!)
2. I am learning to tune out a lot of people’s comments regarding what they would do, discrediting anything you say because you have never been a mom before, or just not being supportive of things you want to try because it didn’t work for them. People will always have comments and it’s up to me to determine how I will process them. Side note: It’s much easier to receive if you just tell your story instead of responding with “OH NO! THAT WILL NOT WORK!” or “THAT IS JUST A WASTE!”
3. Continue being open and honest with how I am feeling. So many people have reached out to me afraid to say how they really feel about their pregnancy journey and afraid that something is wrong with them because they aren’t living in a blissful bubble the entire time. Yes, pregnancy is beautiful and it’s an honor and blessing to be bringing life into this world, but growing a human is not for the faint at heart. It is not a sign of weakness to express your true feelings (it’s actually quite healthy and normal) and those who truly love and support you will meet you where you are and not cause you additional stress during a major life event in your life. Remember, my mama always said, that people reveal themselves during weddings, funerals, and babies and once they do…believe them!

Explaining it all,
Charlitta